An investigation is underway to find out who was signing documents with the autopen while Joe Biden was in the Oval Office. Or in other words, who was really running the country?

The autopen scandal blew up when people began to question whether Biden was actually present and making decisions during key moments. Turns out, executive orders, pardons, and other things kept rolling out like clockwork, even when Joe was supposedly napping, under the weather, or halfway to Delaware. That got folks asking: Who’s really signing this stuff?

Some of these “Biden-signed” docs were conveniently dated while he was off the grid – traveling, getting medical treatment or napping. Yet the pen rarely paused. Critics noticed that no matter what was happening with Joe, the White House kept cranking out paperwork like Willy Wonka’s factory. Coincidence? Or is someone else playing president with a mechanical pen and a lot of nerve?

While the White House insists this robo-pen is just a trusted executive tool, Americans have been asking the obvious question: If Joe didn’t sign anything… who did?

Here are the top five suspects believed to be operating the Autopen from deep within the shadows of the West Wing:

1. Kermit the Frog

Because nothing says “green energy policy” like a talking amphibian with a conscience. Sources say Kermit’s calm demeanor, experience with chaos (see: The Muppet Show), and ability to work well with pigs (Miss Piggy, Congress – same diff) make him the ideal puppet-in-chief. Also, he already has White House clearance thanks to his role in “Muppets Most Wanted.”

2. Dr. Jill Biden

The real steady hand in the Biden administration might be Jill’s, via Bluetooth. While Joe was “resting his eyes” (also known as napping during NATO briefings), Dr. Biden may have been hard at work greenlighting pardons, pandemic policies, and takeout menus. “She’s basically the co-president at this point,” said one anonymous aide. “She schedules his naps, his snacks and steps in for him at Cabinet meetings.”

3. Obama

But let’s not ignore the elephant in the Situation Room: Barack Obama. Yes, the guy who “left office” in 2017 but somehow still shows up in every Democratic fundraiser and whose ideology and policies keep showing up as well. Rumors have been swirling that Obama never really gave up the reins – he just handed them to his former administration who became the Biden’s administration. Insiders joke that the autopen doesn’t move unless it gets a nod from Barry himself.

4. Hunter Biden’s Laptop, Now Self-Aware

According to House Oversight Committee chair James Comer, Hunter’s infamous laptop has become sentient and now runs the Autopen remotely. When questioned about the conspiracy, the laptop reportedly replied with a JPEG of a shrugging emoji and 7,000 pages of unredacted Hunter Biden bank transfers.