In the most shocking breakup since Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (which time?), President Donald J. Trump and Tesla overlord Elon Musk are reportedly locked in a heated spat over everything from social media clout to who gets to land on Mars first and plant their ego there.

Sources close to the two men say their bromance began to sour after a Big Mac, caviar and beef wagyu lunch in the Oval Office last week. Trump had dramatically flipped over a plate of Big Macs because of a disagreement regarding the Karen Read murder trial. In response, Elon put out a meme, mocking the president as a truth-denying “TACO Boy” in a not-so-subtle jab at the “Turtleboy” blogger. This was the latest in a string of disagreements over the past month, ultimately breaking up their tumultuous coupling.

Here are the Top 6 Reasons Trump and Musk Are Arguing:

1. Elon Refused to Rename X to “TRUTHier”
Trump allegedly demanded Elon rename X to something “more honest, more patriotic, and more orange-friendly.” Musk responded by temporarily suspending Trump’s account for “excessive all-caps use.” Musk subsequently and mysteriously posted “covfefe” over and over again on his X account with the hashtags #epstein #jfk #capone and #hoffa.

2. Trump Thinks SpaceX Should Focus on Reopening Trump Taj Mahal in Orbit
“Why build rockets to Mars when you can build casinos in the sky?” Trump reportedly asked. Musk countered that there’s no current market for blackjack on Mars.

3. Musk’s Cybertruck Doesn’t Come in Gold
Trump, deeply offended that Tesla has yet to offer a 24-karat gold Cybertruck with red, white, and blue flames, accused Musk of “being in bed with the Prius lobby.”

4. Trump Demanded Starlink Be Renamed “StarTrump”
In return for continued friendship, Trump requested all satellites orbiting Earth broadcast reruns of The Apprentice and glow a big, beautiful orange. Musk refused, citing FCC regulations and “basic decency.”

5. Musk Announced Tesla’s New Self-Driving Golf Cart – The “BidenMobile”
Elon revealed a limited-edition electric golf cart named after former President Joe Biden complete with pre-programmed random turns, low battery warnings, and slow speeds. Trump didn’t find it funny at all. “That’s my brand!” he allegedly shouted. “Golf carts are for winners, not sleepy guys with pudding cups!”

6. They Both Tried to Take Credit for Inventing the Internet
Their feud escalated when both men claimed they invented the internet: Trump said he told Al Gore to go do it for him while Musk insisted he coded it at age 5 using Neuralink and sheer willpower.

At press time, Trump had reportedly challenged Musk to a televised cage match moderated by Joe Rogan and sponsored by Truth Social. Musk is said to be considering it, so long as the ring is on the moon and the winner gets to rename Earth.