After years of groundbreaking innovation in COVID, autism, housing and daycare fraud, Minnesota Democrats confirmed this week that their scammer friends have officially diversified their portfolios, branching into a wide range of exciting new taxpayer-funded opportunities.

State leaders insist the growing list of fraud cases is not evidence of systemic failure or bad intentions by Somalis, but rather proof that Minnesota is “an inclusive environment where everyone gets a fair shot at stealing from the government.”

“Daycare fraud was just the gateway,” said one Democrat close to the situation. “Once people realized nobody checks anything, it really opened the floodgates to everything else.”

Officials stressed that while billions in public funds appear to have vanished, what truly matters is avoiding “harmful stereotypes” and “asking follow-up questions.”

“We don’t want to jump to conclusions,” said a spokesperson, standing in front of a chart labeled “Don’t be racist.” Every case is totally isolated they said, even if it uses the same players, same nonprofits, and same playbook.

Economists now rank fraud among Minnesota’s fastest-growing sectors, narrowly beating out healthcare administration and paperwork about paperwork. New ideas in the Minnesota Scam Starter Pack now include names for ghost nonprofits, phantom patient information, imaginary employee bios, pop-up housing charities, and renewable-energy projects powered entirely by hand-held fans and government checks.

Meanwhile, taxpayers are being reminded that questioning where their money goes is “dangerous rhetoric,” while demanding more funding – with fewer controls – is considered compassionate leadership.

At press time, the state announced the formation of yet another task force to investigate why previous task forces never seem to accomplish anything, assuring the public answers are forthcoming – just as soon as Democrats finish counting their kickbacks.