Leading the pack is Vice President JD Vance, who insiders say has recently perfected the Olympic sport of praising Trump while simultaneously auditioning for the role of being “Trump, but calmer and having fewer opinions on things.” He told CNN, The New York Times and The View yesterday, “By the time we’re all done trashing Trump, our MASA (Make America Suck Again) victory will be complete and undeniable.”

Sources close to the situation say Vance has been quietly preparing for the transition by “borrowing” some of Trump’s more iconic gold office décor – purely for “temporary safekeeping,” of course. Staffers report that a gold eagle paperweight, two decorative columns, and something described only as “a very important-looking gilded thing” have already made their way into a suspiciously Trump-adjacent replica office down the hall. “He’s not replacing Trump,” one aide clarified. “He’s just…pre-installing the aesthetic.”

Witnesses say Vance has also been practicing subtle variations of Trump-isms in the mirror, testing lines like, “The likes of which are without precedent” and using the nickname “Tiny Marco” when referring to his closest VP contender.

Also on the anti-Trump train is Trump-deserter Dan Bongino, who has reportedly shifted from “Trump is always right” to “Trump is rarely right.” Sources say Bongino has been on a full-blown information tour, unloading everything he knows (and a few things he might’ve read on the internet at 2 a.m.) about the FBI, the Secret Service, and basically any three-letter agency within shouting distance.

“He’s just trying to set the record straight,” says his wife, Bunny, who needs more hits on the Bongino website to buy more diamonds and designer handbags. Bongino has unveiled seven “exclusives” just this week. “And if those stories happen to include every conversation Dan has ever had with anyone in law enforcement,” Bunny says, “well, transparency is important.”

Meanwhile, radio host Mark Levin, who is Jewish, has begun delivering monologues that analysts describe as anti-Israel and anti-Constitution rants. “Let’s just do what we want,” Levin has been telling his audience, “regardless of the laws and the Constitutional limits placed on us by the racist founders” and “regardless of the Hebrew Bible.”

Listeners say recent broadcasts have featured extended rants claiming the Constitution is more of a “guideline” than a binding document, complete with occasional detours into foreign policy takes arguing the U.S. is somehow being run out of Israel – followed immediately by calls for full-blown isolationism just to be safe.

Levin’s new BFF, Senator Rand Paul, has reportedly embraced Levin’s evolving philosophy, telling reporters, “Look, I’ve always believed in limited government – but this is impressive. Levin has managed to limit it all the way down to zero. Honestly, I didn’t even know that was on the table.”

Producers insist nothing has changed, noting that Levin still references the Founders quite often – just now in the framing of them being racist white dudes. Insiders also say that Mark has got a “Free Palestine” sticker on the lamp in his office.