Reports confirm that NFL star Travis Kelce spent months cooking up extreme ways to propose to superstar Taylor Swift, only to settle on a “boring” kneel-and-ring combo in a quiet garden setting after realizing most of his ideas would’ve required NASA-level clearance and a small country’s GDP.

“Look, I love Taylor,” Kelce told reporters. “But at some point, you realize flying in on a blimp shaped like a friendship bracelet while 80,000 fans spell out ‘MARRY ME’ in synchronized light-up bracelets is maybe… a little much.”

Sources say Kelce’s rejected plans included:

• Renting out Arrowhead Stadium for a fake Chiefs “practice,” then having the entire offensive line spell out “YES” with their massive bodies while Mahomes threw him the ring in a perfect spiral.
• Proposing during a live Eras Tour performance – but having both Donald Trump and Joe Biden rappel from the rafters in tuxedos holding two rings for Swift to choose from.
• A diamond-studded goat that Swift would ride off on into the sunset (sponsored by State Farm, naturally).

 

NFL insiders say Kelce was this close to hiring NASA to launch a ring-shaped satellite that would spell “WILL YOU MARRY ME” in orbit. “Travis even had Elon Musk on standby,” said a teammate. “It was gonna be like the Super Bowl only with less football.”

Swift reportedly told Kelce about a year ago that if he popped the question someday, she preferred “something simple and heartfelt,” prompting him to cancel a live bald eagle release, a 200-piece marching band, and a fireworks display big enough to be seen from space.

“She’s the down-to-earth one,” Kelce said about Swift. “Meanwhile, I’ve been Googling ‘how much does it cost to borrow Mount Rushmore for a day.’”

At press time, Kelce was reportedly shopping for wedding venues and strongly considering either “a small private ceremony” or “the entire NFL Draft stage, but covered in glitter.”