In a quiet Michigan cul-de-sac, one brave Cairn Terrier has had enough. Max, a 7-year-old gray- haired suburban watchdog with an iron bladder and an even firmer stance on border security, is sounding the alarm after discovering an illegal chipmunk living rent-free in his meticulously guarded backyard.

“I barked. I dug. I peed on the fence post. What more can I do?!” Max howled in frustration.

The alleged chipmunk, known only as “Chippy,” tunneled into the yard two weeks ago, immediately establishing a network of burrows beneath Max’s prized hydrangeas and boldly flaunting his disregard for local property lines. Sources say Chippy has shown “zero intention” of leaving, even after repeated warnings. He’s also stalking Max’s dog food, forcing the canine to look into deportation strategies.

But Max’s dreams of swift and decisive action were crushed recently when he learned he’d have to go through due process – a system recently reinforced by local Democrat squirrels on the neighborhood council, who insist on “fairness,” “habitat rights,” and “not judging by tail size.”

“It’s ridiculous,” Max barked. “The guy’s literally chewing through structural roots, hoarding seeds, and mocking me from the family’s birdbath – but apparently, I can’t deport him without filling out a ‘Rodent Rights Acknowledgment Form’ and attending a mediation session in the squirrel-run tree and garden district court. Since the judge was appointed by chipmunk who lives in the yard of Joe Biden’s son, Hunter, I don’t expect a fair trial.”

Even worse? Chippy has retained counsel. His attorney, a possum named Lars who specializes in squatters’ rights, claims the chipmunk is entitled to “naturalized nesthood” under Article 5 of the Leafy Woodland Accords, which Democrats signed in a secret meeting behind the compost bin.

“Max is engaging in species profiling,” Lars stated while hanging upside down from a tomato cage. “This is an innocent chipmunk seeking sanctuary from hawks and HOA regulations. Deportation would violate his right to burrow, hoard, and annoy freely.”

Backed by neighborhood Democrats and at least two morally confused raccoons, Chippy’s case has become a flashpoint in the broader Yard Border Security debate. Meanwhile, Max has filed a petition for emergency relief under the Canine Defense Act, citing emotional distress, trampled zinnias, and “the total collapse of yard sovereignty.”

Several dozen Democratic lawmakers are now scrambling to secure private meetings with Chippy to ensure he’s being treated with the utmost fairness and dignity. They’re reportedly concerned about whether Chippy is receiving a full suite of government-funded benefits, from housing assistance to free healthcare and acorn subsidies.

The pro-chipmunk Democratic caucus issued a public statement urging “tolerance, compassion, and shared seed access.” One squirrel activist, who goes by Nutcracker, declared: “The backyard belongs to everyone, not just privileged domesticated mammals with collars and door access.”