And while the media hyperventilated through “100 days of democracy dying” yesterday, Trump kept right on trolling, building, deporting, and quietly lighting political hairpieces on fire. Here are five things he pulled off while the press was busy holding their breath like it was Y2K all over again during the past 101 days:

1. Made Government Meetings Start on Time

Trump has been treating government meetings like episodes of The Apprentice – show up late, get left behind. Word got out that if you aren’t in your chair on time, he’ll start without you – or worse, roast you publicly. Suddenly, bureaucrats who hadn’t been on time since the Bush administration were sprinting to 9 a.m. briefings like it was Black Friday at Best Buy.

2. Appointed a “Department of Memes” Adviser

Some presidents create task forces on nuclear war or bird flu. Trump? He unofficially launched a “Memes Advisory Council” – empowering online warriors to roast bureaucrats faster than you can say “Let’s Go Brandon.” It’s the most effective communications team since Reagan’s one-liners.

3. Declared Waffle House a “Strategic National Asset”

In an executive order buried under pages of federal gobbledygook, Trump declared that Waffle Houses nationwide should be considered critical infrastructure during national emergencies. If the grid goes down, Trump knows where to find civilization – somewhere between hash browns and a plate of scrambled eggs.

4. Signed an Executive Order to Make Federal Forms Use Bigger Fonts

Tired of squinting at six-point font legalese? Trump signed an order mandating readable fonts for federal paperwork. Somewhere, a million bureaucrats cried… and a million boomers with glasses cheered.

5. Installed a ‘Swamp Drain-o-Meter’ in the White House

Hidden in a White House conference room is the “Swamp Drain-o-Meter” – a real-time counter estimating how many lobbyists have cried after losing influence. Watching the number ticker spin like a Vegas slot machine is entertaining and fun for the staff.

Making America Great Again – Again!

While the press has been busy tallying every promise Trump makes, noting every Diet Coke refill, and rallying support for illegal alien rapists and wife beaters, Trump is quietly turning the government into a successful sitcom that the American people actually want to binge-watch. Here’s to the next 101 days… and the sweet, sweet media meltdowns yet to come.