The day after Thanksgiving isn’t just Black Friday this year – it’s Red Friday, baby! Whether you’re celebrating victory with a MAGA hat in one hand and a pumpkin spice latte in the other, or you’re diving headfirst into a bargain bin at Walmart for that last $10 toaster, here are the 10 best ways to commemorate Trump’s glorious return to the White House in 52 days!
1. Turn Your MAGA Hat Into a Stocking
Santa’s coming to town, and he’s bringing tax cuts. Hang your MAGA hat on the mantle and stuff it with patriotic goodies like fireworks, a pocket Constitution, and a framed picture of Elon Musk holding a “FREE SPEECH” banner.
2. Shop Sales Wearing Your Favorite Trump Shirt
Nothing triggers the libs in the toy aisle like a shirt that says, “Trump Won, You Lost!” Bonus points if you have a “Let’s Go Brandon” hat to wear too.
3. Host a “Turkey and Tacos” Leftovers Feast
Invite friends over for a unity meal that blends Thanksgiving turkey with a Build-a-Wall taco bar. It’s the perfect way to celebrate making the borders secure.
4. Decorate Your Yard With Leftover Campaign Signs
Turn your front lawn into a winter wonderland of Republican glory. Who needs inflatable snowmen when you’ve got cardboard cutouts of Trump slogans.
5. Buy Hunter Biden Memoir-Inspired Firewood
Found in the clearance bin at every bookstore, these Hunter Biden books (called “Beautiful Things”) make excellent kindling for your victory bonfire.
6. Camp Out at the Nearest Bass Pro Shop
What says “celebrating freedom” better than a shopping spree for camo gear and fishing rods? Plus, it’s a great place to swap conspiracy theories with strangers who totally have insider information.
7. Start Planning for 2028
Why stop at four years? Use your Black Friday downtime to brainstorm slogans for JD Vance or Trump Jr.’s inevitable run.
8. Open an Etsy Shop Selling Trump-Themed Ornaments
Because every Christmas tree deserves a “Tiny Trump Tower” ornament or a “Merry MAGA-mas” wreath. You’ll rake in more cash than Hunter’s art career ever did.
9. Re-watch the Rallies, But Faster
Turn the playback speed up to 2x and relive every glorious rally and Trump’s unique and inspiring YMCA dance.
10. Pray for Blue State Relocations
Watch your blue-state friends pack their bags and claim they’re really serious about moving to Canada this time. Wave them off with a cheerful “Don’t forget your mask!”
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