Imagine how much easier everything would be if life came with a fast-forward button, a pause, a mute and a rewind button.
If you’re old enough to remember Adam Sandler’s movie Click, you’ve probably fantasized about having a magical remote control to speed up or slow down life.
If only life came with a pause button.
Remember that scene where Sandler paused the world mid-argument to get a breather? Yeah, we need more of that, especially when the Wi-Fi dies and you’re trying to explain it to a customer service rep somewhere in Indonesia or on the island of Palau who just asked you, for the third time, if you tried turning it off and on again. Pause.
Mastering the art of selective listening.
Now imagine hitting the “mute” button every time your boss launches into that “we’re a family here” speech. You could even take a nap while your cat gives you the judgmental side-eye, unfazed by your newfound powers.
But the best thing of all would be to “mute” all of the Kamala Harris ads that keep popping up and rewind our lives back to when President Trump was president and our groceries were affordable.
Rewind: The ultimate undo button.
Yes, the great rewind button. Who among us hasn’t said something ridiculous in a meeting at work, only to replay it in their head for the next ten years? Hit rewind, fix that stammer, and maybe even give yourself a do-over at that awkward handshake-turned-fist-bump fiasco. Or, hey, go back far enough to when you decided bangs were a good idea and save yourself the heartache.
And imagine having a life remote control with a rewind button so that we can go back and tweak the Constitution so that our rights are better protected under the progressive, radical, crazy, communist Democrats.
Fast-forward through the boring stuff (like taxes, family reunions and Kamala Harris rallies).
Let’s be real, life is full of the monotonous moments that no one signed up for – doing taxes, waiting in line at the DMV, being forced to watch Kamala Harris ads while streaming a Hallmark movie or that annual family reunion where Aunt Karen warns you about climate change.
Imagine clicking a button and jumping ahead to the fun stuff, like vacation, or the end credits of a terrible day when all you want is your couch, Netflix, and a tub of ice cream.
In Click, Sandler’s character zooms through a lot of things he doesn’t want to deal with because they’re boring, awkward or take up too much time – and while it turns into a cautionary tale (because apparently, no one’s allowed to enjoy anything in the real world without consequences), there’s something appealing about cutting out life’s “filler.” I mean, who needs to sit through another hour of being on hold with tech support when you could be fast-forwarding to your refund check – or get that pizza you ordered a lot faster.
So what’s the greatest fast-forward of all-time right now? Skipping ahead to November 5th so that we don’t have to put up with all of the crap we’re going to see and hear between now and then.
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