Amazon’s CEO Andy Jassy has finally decided that it’s time for the company’s workers to do the unthinkable – actually show up to the office five days a week. After almost five blissful years of mostly working in pajama bottoms, these “entitled” employees will have to reacquaint themselves with real pants and rush-hour traffic.
From couch comfort to cubicle chaos.
It’s been a long time coming in this post-Covid world, but nothing says “strengthening our culture” (his words) like forcing your staff to awkwardly mill around the coffee machine, pretending to care about small talk.
According to Jassy in his very long statement, the whole point of this move is to foster collaboration and innovation. I guess that means that Zoom meetings just aren’t cutting it. He would rather see in- person awkward silences, political arguments, the aroma of coffee in the air and forced brainstorming sessions to make the magic happen.
The audacity of mandating desk assignments.
But wait, there’s more! Jassy isn’t stopping at just pulling people back into the office. He’s also bringing back assigned desks! That’s right, folks. Remember your childhood terror of being assigned a seat in class next to that kid who constantly sniffles and picks his nose? Well, welcome to Amazon 2025, where you’ll now get to relive those magical days in your adult life.
Post-pandemic patience… until 2025.
Of course, in typical Amazon fashion, they’re not total monsters. Jassy and his team generously understand that folks might have arranged their entire lives around the concept of working from home. So, he’s giving employees until January 2025 to figure out how to undo all of that and make their psychiatrist appointments so that they can “deal.”
Whether that means selling your suburban home and moving back to the city, finding a new daycare for your kids (or finding a new job), you’ve got plenty of time to adjust to your new reality. It’s a slow walk – just like the Amazon packages that FINALLY show up at my house.
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