She’s not. She’s fine, actually. But with apologies to The Smiths, though no one should ever specifically apologize to Morrissey as it would set a bad precedent, their pithy tune describes a raging problem in politics today. Yeah, it’s a stretch.

Millions of girlfriends of the American body politic are in a political coma over Donald Trump. Knowing this with a feral sense that is quite impressive, he has announced his third run for the presidency.

Devoid of sensory appreciation, deaf, blind, and dumb to the many reasons Trump would make a bad 47th president and an even worse Republican nominee in 2024, these comatose galpals are girding their ideologically lubricious loins to foist this classic antihero on the electorate once again.

Now don’t get me wrong. If the man is the Republican nominee I will vote for him for the third time, as his unstable persona and rampant narcissism are preferable to authoritarian socialism. But let’s pray it doesn’t come to a 2020 rematch, as the best of bad options scenario doesn’t exactly fill most voters with star-spangled glee.

To stretch the girlfriend analogy even further, Trump is a perfect example, in the political sense, of the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix.

For those of you not in the know, this brilliant theory posits that there are certain levels of crazy in females that men will tolerate as long as the female in question is hot. To wit: You’d tolerate, on a 1-10 scale, a 5 in crazy if she is an 8 in hot. But as the crazy level goes higher your tolerance goes lower. Conversely, if the hot number is high and the crazy number low she’s a keeper. But beware, if the crazy number is low approaching zero, run away, it’s a dude.

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Within Republican ranks, okay-I’m trying not to make this sound gay, Donald Trump has been hot. Or at least his administration was. The economy, energy, national security, all were phenomenal Trump points of political pulchritude. But crazy? Lots of that too. I’m thinking here a 7.5 hot, however off the charts crazy. Just too wacky to tolerate in 2024 as the GOP nominee.

This is while potential contenders like Ron DeSantis or Tim Scott have a hot/crazy number somewhere around 9 to 2. Really can hardly find a legitimate crazy number on Scott. DeSantis, excepting a very strange recent ad that seems to insinuate God placed him in the Florida governor’s mansion, is also way low in that regard. So with them we get the big appeal and low crazy, which translates into more votes for the Republicans come the 2024 general election.

With Trump, the psycho ex-girlfriend who keeps stalking voting booths, we get that “omigod run” feeling in pit of our stomachs akin to running into a bonkers ex-flame in a public place. Not a particularly wonderful recommendation for the Republican nomination.