Well kids, get out your James Bond briefcase, Napoleon Solo camera gun, and Maxwell Smart shoe phone because, ta-da, the Cold War is back. But, with a KGB colonel in charge of Russia for over twenty years, did it ever actually end for that long?

In a plot reminiscent of Hunt for Red October, Dr. Strangelove, and most Bond films, an evil dictator has placed a superweapon on a submarine and, cue audience gasp, we cant find the submarine.

According to FNC yesterday, “A top-of-the-line Russian nuclear-powered submarine has gone missing from its harbor in the Arctic along with its rumored ‘doomsday weapon,’ according to multiple reports.

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NATO has reportedly warned members that Russia’s Belgorod submarine no longer appeared to be operating out of its White Sea base, where it has been active since July. Officials warned that Russia may plan to test Belgorod’s ‘Poseidon’ weapons system, a drone equipped with a nuclear bomb that Russia has claimed is capable of creating a ‘radioactive tsunami,’ according to Italian media.

The drone can be deployed from the submarine at any time and detonated at a depth of 1 kilometer near a coastal city. Russian state media has claimed the device can create a 1,600-ft. wave that smashes into the coast and irradiates it.”

If Marko Ramius isn’t commanding the submarine then Ernst Stavro Blofeld surely is. And the “doomsday weapon”? Really? At least they have followed Strangelove’s counsel and told the world about it. The “radioactive tsunami?” Oh, I love that part. Combines an Irwin Allen 1970s disaster flick and one of the sillier Roger Moore 007 outings. I’m thinking Moonraker.

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Putin’s submarine gambit shows how desperate he’s getting as he gets his tail handed to him in Ukraine. Also, as the sub must run on the best of post-Soviet technology, designed by former Soviet scientists, we probably can’t find the boat because it sunk at its mooring or some idiot unintentionally put it at the bottom of the Barents with a spewing reactor.

However, fair is fair, they have put undetected subs off our coast before. National security ace Rebekah Koffler tells us, “There have been times when Russian nuclear-powered attack submarines, armed with long-range cruise missiles, operated undetected for weeks close to U.S. shores.” One Russian sortie in the early 2010s saw Ivan get detected only when he was already skedaddling out of U.S. waters. Ouch. The boys and girls in Naval Intel screwed the pooch on that one, I say as a former Army Intel lad.

As Ukraine gets worse for Putin watch for Kremlin palace intrigue and more stunts like this. Anything to distract from the failed Russian invasion and the expansion of NATO. Way to go Vlad, you bald yutz.