Here in the Mid Atlantic region of the country it’s blistering hot. Maybe the same scorchfest where you are too. It makes a normal American family want to get away for a vacation, perhaps at the beach to take a dip to mitigate the heat.

But socialists aren’t normal people. I don’t mean that they’re interesting and clever not normal. I mean they’re a sad collection of sexual miscreants, public sector parasites, and vicious communists not normal. But even they need a break from the summer broiler.

So because I’m so notoriously full of empathy towards socialists, see paragraph immediately above, I have researched and cataloged the best vacation hot spots for socialists to go and feel right at home. They can thank me later.

1. Disney World- Given recent headlines you knew this had to be first on the list. What you didn’t know was that in keeping with its new woke sensibilities Disney has modified some rides and added others. These additions will surely please the culturally masochistic/outrageously perv/loyal Democrat nature of the modern socialist.

New attractions include Race Mountain, where Caucasians will be ritualistically berated by animatronically frightening animals who bear a suspicious resemblance to the cast of The View; Pansexual Pirates of the Caribbean, featuring school board meetings where board members tell parents that cross dressing maritime orgy films involving at least 45 of the school board approved 11,653 genders are fine educational fare for 6 year olds; and Sleeping Joey’s Castle, where the president of the United States is literally unconscious and registering serious drug-induced REM sleep 85% of the day, as domestically and globally the US resembles a blazing fire in a dumpster in a less than savory part of…

2. Chicago- What can you say about a windy city where the wind smells like corpses rotting in the heat from last night’s dozen shootings? You can say Tourism!

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A perfect example of Democrat municipal management, Chicago boasts a higher KIA rate than the Eastern Ukraine, a corruption level that makes Al Capone seem like an amateur, and a mayor who brings to mind that mutant aquarium pet your dad flushed down the toilet when you were in junior high school.

3. San Francisco- The ultimate vacation destination for in the know socialists, come visit Queen Nancy in her lofty hilltop castle. But first you’ll have to dodge streetside piles of human excrement the size of Mayan pyramids, merrily play hopscotch around still moist used syringes that are strewn about town like pointy summer snowflakes, and ignore prices that would mortify a Russian oligarch.

If you get to Nancy’s castle be especially vigilant, as the moat contains Pelosi-trained blood gorged moray eels that will suck the life out of you like a Democrat at a House Budget Committee markup hearing. Also, Nancy herself may be unavailable. But worry not, one of those eels makes a fine stand in. Enjoy!