Every good little president deserves something from Santa. Those who have been very good, like Lincoln, Coolidge, Truman, and Ike get Christmas goodies in their stockings and are generally reelected. Those who have been world changingly good, like Reagan, get stocking stuffers like a good economy and the surrender of communist regimes under their tree.
Bad little presidents like Jackson, Buchanan, Carter, and Obama get coal and the judgment of history. But every bad president is bad in their own way. How about Joe Biden? Well, he has been bad in so many ways we thought we’d help Santa out with his list.
1) Afghanistan- He’s been very naughty here. There are still Americans there this Christmas. They don’t want to be there but they’ve been abandoned by Joe and his playmates. He also gave a real boost to Iran, China, and the Taliban, boys not on Santa’s good list. Joe not only gets a filthy turban in his stocking, he gets a land mine under the tree. Which could make for an interesting Christmas morning, for the new White House dog.
2) The border- Santa has a hard job already. He’s got to keep track of a lot of kids. The last thing he needs is their parents being where they are not supposed to be. Santa also doesn’t appreciate delivering presents to the middle of the Rio Grande. The whole illegal thing too does not help the case.
Are those kids responsible for their plight? No. Is Joe Biden for throwing the border wide open and tempting their desperate parents to leave their hellholes and risk the trek north? Yes. This also is part of a larger pattern. Joe doesn’t just bring down the wrath of Santa on himself, but he screws up the Christmas of others too. For that he doesn’t get his meds for a week and must empty his own drool bucket. Yes, St. Nick can do that. The provision was tucked deep into ObamaCare.
3) The economy- Have you gone shopping for Christmas presents recently? Santa has. His Chinese suppliers are not being very nice and the jolly old elf (Really? He’s an elf, like Legolas? Who’d have thought?) is paying 30 percent more this year. Santa’s elf accountants, the firm of Icy, Snowy, and Goldfarb, tried to cut a deal for production rights. No dice.
Given the supply chain, the troves of raw materials needed at Yuletide corporate HQ have been late to the North Pole, as caribou can fly at Mach 2, but must adhere to new restrictive FAA regs for airborne quadrupeds. Santa tried to warn Joe about these things in June. But Joe only demanded experimental vaccines for the the reindeer, killing Dasher and Blitzen and turning Rudolph into a crazed homicidal maniac.
So, for that and a bunch more, the guy in the red suit is bypassing the White House this year and spending a lot more time at the governor’s house…in Tallahassee. We here hope he stays at your house a long time too. Merry Christmas.