By Missy Crane | February 7, 2020

Progressive people come up with some of the dumbest trends.

This latest one is a doozy. When I first happened upon this story I thought “this can’t be real,” so I went and did some research and by golly, it is real.

It turns out vegan people are walking heads of cabbage in an effort to cure their depression and relieve their stress.

They are walking the vegetable on a leash as if it were a pet dog.

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Why not walk a dog? Well, those are “stressful” apparently.

RELATED: [VIDEO] Vegan Influencer Eats Meat For 30 Days, Shocks Followers By Admitting She Feels Healthier Than Ever

According to psychiatrist Wen Chao, the idea of walking a cabbage is relatively simple: “you feel as lonely and as simple as a cabbage, so you begin to act like one and befriend one. And in that acceptance comes change.”

These people need mental help and that shrink needs his license revoked.

A vegan student said, “It’s a way by which depression and loneliness can be escaped; I feel free, I feel unchained–going for a walk with [the cabbage] makes me feel fully recharged.”

Another student added, “If the cabbage arrives home in good condition, I just wash it off and serve it for dinner–we’re left wanting more!”

A third student, seventeen-year-old Lui Ja Chen said, “When I see another cabbage walker, it’s easy to strike up a conversation. Cabbages are better than dogs as they don’t bark or start fights with the other vegetables.”

According to Perez Hilton, Chen continued, “It doesn’t need feeding or leave a mess on the pavement. In fact, afterwards, I can throw the cabbage away and feel that I have tossed my feelings out with it.” [National File]

Besides mental help, these vegans likely need red meat and church. Obviously they are lacking nutrients and hope.

Two things that can be solved by a cheeseburger and Jesus.


This piece originally appeared on and is used by permission.

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