The lights dim. The cameras roll. In the background somewhere, an action-movie soundtrack begins pounding.
ENTER THE “DOCTOR”: Abdul El-Sayed, the Democratic U.S. Senate candidate, armed with a medical degree, a plan for Medicare for All and a seemingly unlimited supply of attacks on his opponent – and President Donald J. Trump.
ENTER THE G-MAN: Mike Rogers, former congressman and FBI agent, armed with political accusations and the interrogation skills to deliver them.
Between them stands one man: WOOD-TV8 [1] moderator Rick Albin.
His assignment? Keep the peace during the candidates’ first Senate debate.
His chances? About the same as a substitute teacher controlling a cafeteria food fight.
Scene One: License to Grill
ROGERS: Questions whether El-Sayed can legally practice medicine.
The Doctor whips out his Columbia University medical degree like a shield even though the diploma doesn’t come with a license to practice medicine.
EL-SAYED: Defends his medical credentials.
ROGERS: “Glitchy AI chatbot,” he said during an exchange about health care and campaign contributions, accusing his Democratic opponent of repeatedly recycling the same talking points instead of addressing the issues.
The “doctor” ducks behind a wall of Medicare for All talking points and launches a counterattack about Rogers’ corporate connections.
Squabbles, cross-talk and interruptions ensue.
The moderator checks his watch. This is going to be a long night.
Scene Two: Family Ties and Terrorism
The soundtrack turns ominous.
ROGERS: Accuses El-Sayed of taking campaign contributions from people who support Hamas, Hezbollah and al-Qaida.
The Doctor slams an imaginary emergency button. Red warning lights flash.
EL-SAYED: Challenges Rogers’ accusations and condemns turning other people’s suffering into political theater. That was his excuse for making NO COMMENTS on October 7th concerning the anniversary of the attack on Israel.
Later, the fight veers toward El-Sayed’s family.
EL-SAYED: Accuses Rogers of going after his mother.
ROGERS: Denies targeting her, saying his criticism concerns her alleged ties to an organization he claims was indicted for funneling money to al-Qaida.
Scene Three: The Moderator Strikes Back
More verbal sparring erupted, rules and time limits be damned.
Albin steps between the combatants, armed with nothing but a microphone and the rapidly disappearing hope of an orderly debate.
ALBIN: “Guys, I’m going to tell you right now, we’ve got to stick to our time limits.” Neither combatant lowers his verbal weapon.
ALBIN: “I appreciate your passion. But please, let’s try to keep this orderly.” Throughout the hour-long debate, Albin repeatedly found himself playing referee, delivering various versions of the same scolding as the candidates continued their verbal sparring.
The Doctor reloads. The G-Man reloads. The moderator realizes he’s brought a stopwatch to a political gunfight.
ALBIN: “I’d like to be part of the debate too.”
Finally, Albin deploys his ultimate weapon: a commercial break.
Scene Four: No Time-Out for Democracy
The screen fades to black. Commercials roll. Surely the fighting has stopped.
WRONG.
The cameras return. Albin looks like a man who just discovered the movie’s villain survived the explosion.
ALBIN: “In 30 years of doing debates, I’ve never seen it continue during the commercial, but it did.”
Even the advertisers couldn’t negotiate a ceasefire.
Scene Four: End of the Evening
The Doctor and the G-Man remain standing. The podiums survive. Albin survived mostly unscathed. The moderator deserves combat pay. And El-Sayed and Rogers actually shake hands at the end of it all.
Michigan voters finally got to witness something dangerously close to a real debate – complete with interruptions, heated exchanges and actual sparring instead of the usual parade of carefully scripted, focus-group-tested political talking points.
Scene Five: The Rematch
Rogers and El-Sayed will return to the debate stage on Wednesday, October 21, for their second and final scheduled showdown before the November 3 election. The debate will be hosted by WXYZ-TV Channel 7 in Detroit. Whether the rematch will be any more orderly remains to be seen.
Coming November 3: The Final Showdown
This time, there are no moderators to save either candidate. Just voters.