On the heels of partying for hours and hours after learning that President Donald Trump fired Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, a group of helpful Democrats stepped forward with what they described as “supportive” career advice for the soon-to-be unemployed Republican – although some sources say she is the new Ambassador to McDonald’s.
According to leakers who were at a classified meeting between Noem and leading Democratic lawmakers, several helpful career tips were recommended to the 54-year- old beauty. Phone numbers were exchanged and Ms. Kristi now has several promising options…
1. MSNBC Security Expert
Democrats say the quickest route to rehabilitation is a TV contract where Noem can spend the next two years explaining why she’s “deeply concerned about Trump’s threat to democracy” while looking hot and wearing cherry lip gloss.
2. Border Wall Tour Guide
Democrats suggested Noem could host VIP tours along the southern border – complete with rhinestone hard hats, commemorative selfie stations, and a gift shop selling limited- edition “Build the Wall” bedazzled souvenirs.
3. Professional Memoir Writer
Several lawmakers encouraged Noem to write a tell-all book titled “I Worked for Trump and All I Got Was This Lousy MAGA hat.”
4. TikTok Policy Influencer
Democrats also noted there’s a strong market for 30-second videos explaining complicated national security policy using interpretive dance and trending audio.
5. Political Reality TV Judge
Democrats say Noem would be perfect for a new show called America’s Next Cabinet Member, where contestants compete in challenges to see who will be the next Secretary of Defense or Attorney General – complete with challenges involving eating bugs, spiders, and explaining federal spending to a room full of angry taxpayers.