In what historians are calling “the biggest tantrum in modern history,” an animated faction of Democrats reportedly interrupted the State of the Union (SOTU) address Tuesday night to shout a series of urgent national priorities – including a demand for “more chicken nuggets in the McDonald’s box” to meet equity standards.
While many in America were busy concentrating on the Democrats shouting “KKK” at the president and wearing “F-CK Ice” pins, they missed the food-related chants that were being shouted all evening.
Witnesses say the outbursts about food issues began just minutes into the speech, when one lawmaker leapt to his feet yelling, “Six nuggets is a structural injustice when seven could fit in the box!” They were joined by other colleagues chanting, “Supersize nugget equity now! And we need more sauce!”
Capitol staffers confirmed the list of shouted concerns by Dems also included:
- Free guac for all no matter your immigration status!
- Equal access to bottomless breadsticks!
- No taxation without extra bacon! (I can agree to that!)
- Free reparation refills for future generations!
At one point, a small group reportedly unveiled a hand-lettered sign reading, “Build Back Fried Pies at McDonald’s.” Yes, apparently the revolution will be drive-thru.
The interruptions reached peak absurdity when a member shouted, “We demand climate-neutral ketchup packets!” prompting another to respond, “And biodegradable Happy Meal toys with Spanish translations for undocumented migrant children!”
Democrats in the chamber stood up multiple times applauding the efforts of their food- obsessed colleagues, while at the same time being able to prioritize their favorite constituents – illegal aliens.
Security briefly considered restoring order but ultimately decided it would be easier to let the crazed snack caucus burn itself out once the blood sugar levels stabilized.
No word yet on whether bipartisan negotiations will produce a Nugget Equity Act of 2026, but insiders say talks have stalled over whether ranch dressing counts as a human right. At press time, DoorDash lobbyists were spotted circling the Capitol.