With the Super Bowl once again threatening to interrupt football with bad music and bad performers, President Donald Trump reportedly issued a list of recommended activities for Americans to complete during halftime, calling the planned spectacle “very loud, very anti-MAGA, and VERY VERY sucky.”
According to sources close to the president, Trump believes the 12–15 minute window is better used for “tremendous productivity” for the good of the country and “things that actually help the United States to achieve MAGA status.”
Here are the five activities the Trump administration recommends for Sunday during the halftime break:
1. Buy Trump Merchandise
Instead of watching the halftime show, Americans are encouraged to browse hats, shirts, flags, and other Trump and MAGA items [1] described as “much more patriotic and much better designed than the halftime show.” One presidential aide noted that Trump merchandise “never lip-syncs and always fits beautifully.” They also recommend buying Trump coins to add to the economic recovery.
2. Start Building Your Own Border Wall
Trump reportedly suggested Americans use halftime to stack bricks and move landscaping stones. “If every homeowner did a little wall,” Trump allegedly said, “we’d be done already” with border walls all over the country to keep Democrats out of our safe spaces.
3. Check the Score, Say ‘Rigged,’ Then Check Again
If you don’t like who is winning the game, sources say Trump views halftime as the perfect moment to accuse referees, broadcasters, and the league itself of wrongdoing and rigging the game.
4. Post ‘MAKE FOOTBALL GREAT AGAIN’ (MFGA) Somewhere Online
Experts confirm that posting the phrase “MFGA” on social media, in comment sections, or in group chats counts as civic engagement and satisfies the human need to feel useful without doing anything useful.
5. Draft an Executive Order Against the Halftime Show
Americans are encouraged to spend the break writing a strongly worded executive order banning lip- syncing, backup dancers, and “songs no one asked for.” Trump officials suggest, instead, to watch highlights of the “Melania” documentary or repeats of “The Apprentice.”
At press time, President Trump was reportedly considering adding a sixth recommendation: turning the television off entirely and classifying the halftime show as a non-essential service.